Losing it

I binged last night really bad. I made dough in the bread machine for pizza and then instead made bread sticks. I ate them ALL. ALL of them last night. When I looked in the mirror after yoga today I was shocked. I wasn't sure who it was I didn't recognize myself. I look so round and full and puffy. I feel so far away from God. Not good about myself. Went to yoga that was good went to the fair trade shop and met someone great. I need help God. please please  help me not lose my way. I need to know that I'm on the right path. I get scared every now and then about not having a job and about not wanting to teach anymore.

I need to be honest. I realized I need to say something out loud after I saw that my cousin  just got hired to teach. She just graduated.

First. I dont WANT to do it anymore. I was relieved not to be doing it when I went to the open houses for the boys. Happy I didn't have to deal with that job. And when I get down on myself and think I'm a loser because no one hired me I MUST remind myself that I DIDN'T make an effort to apply. I haven't told anybody this. I only applied to about three or four jobs and two of them were in the same district. There have been many more available. AND...here is the big thing, my application doesn't have my teaching certificate scanned into it so it isn't attached to any of my applications. THat alone is a reason for districts to not even look at my resume. So, realistically I made it so that I wouldn't get hired. Not that I wasn't good enought...but I didn't put myslef out there. I really don't want to teach elementary school or even juniior high anymore. I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to.