I haven't written in awhile. Been feeling pretty good. But right now I feel the emptiness strongly. It helped having Callie here. I feel like I have no purpose. I feel a bit worthless. I wanted to eat or have sex and even began to pick my face. But I can tell that none of it will help. I know because there is nothing I can think of that will satisfy my hunger/craving. It's that connection to God again. I feel far away from faith from God. I feel like I might be drifting. How do I bring myself back to that? I was outside a lot yesterday and the day before but not so much today. I made an excuse not to go to class at the fitness center cause I just didn't feel like it. It's not that I want to sit on my couch at home...I just know I don't want to be around loud music and high energy tonight. I feel tired. I ate all the kids leftovers at dinner. Just because. Tried to fill that void. I might go for a walk. I feel like laying in the grass on my sleeping bag and just looking at the stars. Maybe that will help. Maybe I'll do that.
I also keep allowing myself to feel disappointment because I don't get much response from my other blog. I am so proud of myself for it but I don't get feedback. I wish other people would read it and comment. I feel good about the meetup group. I just need to be sure that I don't over do it.