Why am I so emotional? Oh my god I'm scaring myself. I was so incredibly angry today and last Sat. with my sister. I swore at her I was screaming and swearing. I'm so hurt inside right now I feel like I can just cry and cry and cry. I have buckets of tears why? Why can't I stop crying? I feel ashamed of myself for losing control. I should know better than to call anybody else. I never should have called my parents when I'm in such an emotional state. They were so worried about me I could hear it in their voices telling me to calm down and am I gonna be okay, Like I was gonna do something This is what happens to me I explode I explode in anger or in tears and just cry and sob and swear and they get scared I'm so embarrassed. This must be where T gets it from From me. I feel like I'm defective because I react this way. Dear God, please help me. please help me I feel so sad and embarrassed. Why do I do this, God? Why do I get soemotional? At first I was thinking it was because I have halved my meds, but it isn't because I react this I just needed her to hear me. just to listen to me I miss my sister.
I'm so sorry for yelling and for being like this I'm sorry for being so out of control sometimes. Why am I like this? God please help me stop flying out of control and screaming like this. I don't want to be this fragile, emotional basket case that my family feels like they have to be careful of.
The surgery this past week upset me. I wish I had someone there to help take care of me. I wish I had asked my mom or mysis to come out. Thank goodness for K. She was so good to me. I have to stop being so tough and ask for help. That is my problem. I hate to ask for help. I always try to be so tough and do it all by myself. But who am I trying to prove something to? What am I trying to prove? I miss the birds flying high about the blue water and the sound of the water lapping against the rocks. I want to go sit there later today and find you, God. THat is where I always find you. Please God, take away this empty, pain feeling I have inside and fill it with faith and love, not stupid food or sex or any other vice I may decide to use. Please God, please help me be loving to myself today. I am sorry to my sis and my parents for my outburst. I hate when I so that I feel so ashamed. God, please take away my shame. Those emotions are part of who I am. Help me manage and love that part of me. please, I'm begging you.